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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
Back in my day we had 9 planets.