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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend鈥檚 bedroom. I can鈥檛 believe she鈥檚 a super hero.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
S枚 卯 h猫茫rd 每么u l矛k锚 g霉每拧 with 谩c莽e帽ts?
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say 鈥淗ey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.