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If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.