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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.