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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.