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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.