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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Word for the day is asstard
Iām not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.