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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...