Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.