Daily Silly Status

Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"

Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.

I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!

Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.

Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.

I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!

When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.

Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."

One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D

I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did

I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.