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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
facebooked yo mama!!!
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Do angry people know about naps?