Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.