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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.