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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
is available for rebound sex.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.