Daily Silly Status

So many rules; so little time to break them.

If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?

If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world

Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?

I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.

I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?

Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts

Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.

You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.

just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it

I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.

I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.

Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....

Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.

I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.