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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.