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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.