Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.