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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"