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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...