Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. Iām sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.