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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.