Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...