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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?