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I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?