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I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I make a great second impression.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.