😄 Daily Silly Status
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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.