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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, Iād spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.