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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
it`s friday o clock
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.