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Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
No pants are the best pants.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.