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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.