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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Never trust a skinny chef
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.