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I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”