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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red