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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point