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I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.