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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.