Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
That`s not how I met your mother.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"