Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?