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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.