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I just called. To say. I texted you.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.