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WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.