Daily Silly Status

My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.

Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away

Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.

Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?

Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.

That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!

If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.

I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.

Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.

Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"

Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.

Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"

Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.