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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.