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I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
You look like I need another drink
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”