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A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.