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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.