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It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.