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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude