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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
This patience thing takes forever.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.