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I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.