Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.