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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.