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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Honk if you are reading this.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.