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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.