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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.