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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about