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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Hold boobs not grudges.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.