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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Soup of the day: Beer
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.