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Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.