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Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."