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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.