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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.