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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug