Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Is there another word for synonym?
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?