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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
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My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
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“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
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Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
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I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
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Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
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Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
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One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
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Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
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It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
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Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
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Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
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I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
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Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
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