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Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?