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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.