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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"