Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.