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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
The first sign of laziness:
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.