Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.