Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.