Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.