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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work