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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
facebooked yo mama!!!
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.