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I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.