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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.