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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.