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It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.