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People will do odd things to get even.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.