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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...