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I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?